I loved this chapter. I hated this chapter. Telling the truth is easy for me. Saying it out loud can get you in trouble.
Let me back up. In the winter of 2007 I read Byron Katie's Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life and I can honestly say it changed my life. It had a powerful effect on my "stories". In fact, I've found I no longer want to be in denial or lie to myself since stuffing, twisting, contorting, painting and otherwise covering the truth is like throwing flowers on shit. It may look good but it still stinks and can give you and awful headache.
So as I was reading our menu item #2 on Truth I thought, "Wow, this reminds me of Katie's stuff." Then lo and behold Martha Beck begins to bring Katie into the picture. I was thrilled!. Now I know that Martha Beck and I are on the same page and that I'm in the right place.
And because I'm so damn evolved in my truth-telling I decided that this week I would start to say my truths outloud. To my husband. Whenever he did something that annoyed me or said something that I didn't agree with I would clearly state "I feel angry when you channel surf during the commercial" or "I notice I'm feeling impatient when you don't answer me right away." What did I learn? First of all sharing what I feel can be a mask for control and that there really is such as thing as too much sharing. More importantly, I learned that telling people what I feel about them is not nearly as valuable as sitting quietly in nothingness and noticing the truth about my feelings when emotions are triggered.
Instead of sharing every negative feeling and declaring it as "The Truth" I journaled about what was really going on with me.
And magically my husband returned to his wonderful, adorable self.
Huh.
Friday, October 2, 2009
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23 comments:
I must read that Katie Byron Book, because when I found her in Martha's book, I looked her up at amazon and thought: oho, this could be interesting (Thank God/dess that you can order nearly all American books in Germany!)
Truth seems to be a field one can work on the whole life long. I like your stories about that- thanks for sharing them! Take care!
Oh! My long comment just disappeared.
So now I must shorten it up a bit. I love reading about your journey through this book, and applaud your realization that sometimes it is better to not voice every truth you feel. I also wonder why it is that when someone tells us they are about to be honest with us, we know it will be something negative, why it is that our truths are so often (usually) not truths of joy or happiness. My assumption is that we feel no qualms about expressing those emotions, but I wonder if indeed that is the case.
Here's hoping this comment stays. :)
Debi
This is a really thoughtful post. Can there be too much honesty, and if we are not honest, does it mean that we are not being true to ourselves? I love what Debi wrote, even it's shorter version...the truth of happiness and joy is harder to admit. So, the channel surfing is TOTALLY annoying, but the truth of the happiness that we are together on the couch watching TV is larger...maybe?
You're making me think on this beautiful fall day, thank you!
This is flippin' fabulous and if I admired you before, I adore you now for your honesty and bravely sharing this story with us.
Can I learn from your experience? You bet your butt I can!
I, too, looked up Katie Byron on Amazon and fell in love with the possibilites that her books hold. Thank you for sharing that her book on questions changed your life.
My goal is to embrace my authentic self, which I am just now uncovering. As a female in this society we are taught how to act and, even worse, how to look. I am learning that it is okay to simply and whole-heartedly be me.
Thanks for sharing your truth with us this week. I like how you shared with your husband and then noticed you felt better when you just sat with the truth. You experimented with your truth and found what works for you.
You make an insightful distinction: it is one thing to tell the Truth to yourself, another to share your Truth with someone else. Sometimes it benefits to do both, other times it benefits to hold your truth, and share later, or not at all. We might be ready to hear our truth; that does not mean others are ready to hear it.
I've been thinking it would be good to listen to katie's cd series (Loving What Is) again. It's so freeing and I get caught up again and again in other's stuff. This is the nudge I needed. Thank you.
I find it so refreshing to hear about the dance between your feelings, your thoughts, and your actions. Bravo to you for experimenting, and discovering that truth isn't always about what comes out of our mouths... :)
So glad your husband returned to 'normal' and that you had such a glorious week of truth!
Thank you so much for sharing the way that you approached truth this week. It was amazing to get a glimpse in to how you used this chapter to apply to your life.
Sometimes taking the time, the stillness, to know your own self, you own truth and acting from it is more important then just speaking it.
The truth is hard - but in the end you win.
Aww! I love reading about how this chapter has effected people in their daily lives...the micro of it all! So glad you spoke your truth! xo
Wow. I was waiting for the hubby's response. LOL. I am so glad you went back to telling your self the truth. As conflict is an issue in her book that I was shocked with. As If it is a real issue you can work out great. But negative energy and hurting others feelings is something I can not do. I am not saying you did. I an speaking of Martha getting people mad at her.
Hello Liz,
telling the truth can certainly help us to realise what we need in our lives to make us happy, sounds like you are on your way!
Angie :)
Awesome post. Very insightful!
Huh indeed! Your preformed magic no less :)
I love this post. My favorite thing about it is that you realized that sometimes, you can over communicate. Instead telling the other person what's wrong with them/what they are doing, you looked within and journaled about what was TRUTHFULLY bugging you.
That's what I aspire to do. I work at it every day.
I also love the flowers and shit comment. So true, so real.
Brava!!
It was really useful to read your wonderful post. I loved your humorous and honest description of how your experiment with saying the truth out loud went. I tend to err on the side of not communicating how others' actions make me feel. This gives me some food for thought on how to sit with it first, and then decide what action will serve me and the other person, AND the relationship with that person best. thanks!
Great post! I agree that there are times and places and sometimes it is about telling ourselves the truth and not just everyone else.
You said it so beautifully here! Thanks for sharing your journey!
this is a great post! So much truth :) thanks for visiting me. I will be following you! have a great week!
i've noticed that my husband becomes extremely annoying for several days approximately once a month. and then he also goes back to his sweet self...maybe he needs some clary sage, you think? ;-)
but about that sitting in nothingness, how does that work?
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