Two days with no committments - no work, no kid activities (Gianluca is at the beach for a week). Two days of dinners out, sleeping in, movies and wine. Two days of time alone with our respective hobbies - him in the garden and flintknapping, me with my new art journal class, yard sales, "important" blog posts on aromatherapy. I was even okay about folding a mountain of laundry with my audiobook in tow (I can endure anything boring when I'm being read to).
Can you see where this is going?
Saturday afternoon my older son, Davide, called out of the blue. "Hi Mom! Hey, the Bean and I are only 30 minutes away (he's a single dad and lives two hours away) and thought we'd pop in for a visit. You can play with the Bean while I use little brother's computer to catch up on school work (he's a college student). We can be there around 6:oo, but I have to be back home by 5:30 Sunday evening".
Oh. That's like, 24 hours. Half the weekend.
And because I know that the guilt of saying no will be more painful than the sacrifice of my precious weekend, I say "that's great, honey!"
I walked to the garage where my husband was repairing our tipi with my new sewing machine. I was so deep in self-pity I couldn't even get upset. I broke the news.
His reaction? "Great! The weather is fantastic and we can take the Bean to the river!" I hated him in that moment. Wasn't he at all disgruntled? Did our "special weekend" mean so little to him? And when I pouted and asked him this, he said, "We have our whole lives together. The Bean will only be ours for a little while." Although he is five years younger than me, my husband is often the more mature and wise one in the marriage.
So we revised our weekend...
We had Sunday breakfast at Perkins,
where Bean showed off his repertoire of expressionsin under a minute.
(admitting here that these are ain't-he-the-cutest gratuitious photos)
We took him to the river,
stepped in the mud,
picked up important rocks,
strolled down the middle of the road,
where we found a frightened turtle and put him in the grass.
My husband taught Bean the names of plants, showed him which were good to eat and which would make him sick. He showed him how soft a lamb's ear leaf is and later my husband nudged me and nodded toward the baby. Bean was gently stroking the lamb's ear plant.
Also, Davide had us all to himself and we had some good talks about his future and, well, it turned out to be a pretty darn nice weekend afterall.
My husband was right. The art journaling can wait, the blogging, the dinners and yes, even the wine can wait. (do I hear gasps from across distant shores?) Kids, they can't wait.
I talk a good game about the need for living in the moment and going with the flow, but when it comes down to it, can I actually do it? It seems that, although I might need some encouragement, I can.
How do you react when your plans suddenly change??
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19 comments:
Plans and I have never been the best of friends. It seems like every time i plan something, no matter how small or even if I plan the day before, they never seem to carry through. So I don't much bother anymore. That suits me just fine. The people around me not so much, but whatever.
You are farther along the path of enlightenment than I, grasshopper. Being something of a control freak, I make plans and expect them to execute exactly. Hence my lessons in learning to go with the flow... Which sounds like exactly what you do iasa! Lucky you!
I used to be a teacher, therefore I enjoy it when my life is comparable to a lesson plan. Then I married the Grouper, who is a "fly by the seat of his pants" kinda guy. I've learned to roll with the punches a bit better than I used to, but when plans change last minute, I tend to freak out..I've even been known to have a mini-meltdown or two. But if a change of plans involved someone as cute as your little Bean, I think I'd probably be just fine. :)
I know what you mean EXACTLY! been there. my granddaughter will be 3 in july. she just requires constant attention and is still too young to be left alone without supervision. always talking, doesn't usually stick with one activity very long before she's ready to do something else. although i found out just a month or so ago that she loves washing dishes. i can put a stool up to the sink, fill it with soapy water, throw in a heap of plastic stuff for her to "wash" and she washes them over and over again. she had been at it for about 45 minutes last time she was here when her mother showed up to get her. i now keep 6 bottles of dish soap on hand. ;)
but i often tell myself the same thing that your husband told you. i know that someday she won't have time for grandma and grandpa. so we gotta soak it all up now.
loved your WV. mine is cutinto. is that weird or what?
Gidget: Ahhhh the meltdown, I know it well. And how refreshing to hear that you, too, have been there. Sounds like the Grouper (love the name) is educating the teacher! And yes, when the Bean is involved my flexibility muscles get exercised a bit easier.
Janet: I figured you knew what I was talking about! Three is such a busy age and they do talk a lot don't they? I love your solution for keeping her busy! Maybe you can get her excited about laundry next!
Cutinto sounds totally italian.
i was thinking of "cutinto" as "cutting into my time." must've been my selfish side. ;)
Love your post and what a wise husband you have. We often forget what it's like to just go with the flow in these over scheduled times. I am trying to teach my kids to throw away their schedules and to do lists this summer.... so far so good!!! I don't mind if plans change too much it's all part of the procrastination thing I think.
Janet: Of course! cut-into! Duh! So clever!
McGillicutty: You're so right. I see people who's kids are so overscheduled that they never had down time to just "be" a kid. How else can they learn to use their own creative resources and imaginations. Good for you!
love the pictures, what a cutie Bean..., swing by my blog today, a little thank you note for you....
I used to love to plan too but in the last few years I have learned to let it go. And I love it.
And I also just have to say that the Bean is adorable. It sounds like a wonderful weekend.
I really hope you opened that wine on Sunday evening though!
And in answer to the question in the comments on your last post its an essential oil :-)
I'm with seaside... I've always been disappointed when my plans change suddenly... But with little "monsters" around you learn to take it easy... For the first instant I protest strongly but then... try to catch the best in the new situation :))
Hugs from Italy!!
anything but boys can wait! the bean is sooo cute! as for my coping when plans suddenly change, well, i wasn't able to cope until i was able to practice nonattachment to my own agenda, more patience, and a thorough understanding that all things are impermanent. that really puts it in perspective for me.
I always used to plan plan plan as well. But husband is more spontaneous so I've learned to cope. Actually (roll the eyes) as long as he keeps ME in the mix I could care less what we do. Ok, maybe not all true. ME and WINE :)
It would be so nice to have learned the sigificance of living in each moment when my kids were little and not waiting until I had grandkids to discover that little miracle of life. We learn so much of awareness and "interest" in simple things from those little people!
And...your 'Bean' is precious!
lovely post, thank you! and I agree, a post about fragrances can definitely wait but to teach the little sweetheart about edible and non-edible plants is sooo much more important!
I'm so behind ladies!
Marinik: Thanks so much for your kind words on your blog. Email me and we can talk about oils for Nik.
Seaside: Awww thanks, we love our Bean. And we DID open the wine on Sunday evening! And yippee that you got the real thing and not smelly synthetics.
Chaira.u: I think I'm out of practice since my youngest is 18. Un abbraccio!
Innerspace: Oh that sweet devil, nonattachment. I want so much to have it! And of course, I'm attached to wanting nonattachment! The road to enlightenment is filled with irony.
rxBambi: I like the way you think!
Tippyrich: Wise words my friend. My priorities have certainly changed.
Elaine: Thank you! I wish I could read your blogs! I tried the translation tool but it was too funny. Can I email you?
OMG...Bean is absolutely completely and totally so amazingly adorable!
You're right too...everything can wait, but kids.
When my plans get disrupted I get grump and throw a full out pity party!
muse, you have pegged me yet again! I can't stand change! But I have been blessed with a husband that literally flies by the seat of his pants on a daily basis. I guess living with livestock has given me a perspective that means doing what is needed NOW and planning to change my plans regularly. Thanks again for hitting it squarely where I live! :)
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